forgive me if this isnt in logical structure. my thoughts are erratic but pressing. and i need to let it out.
a controversial picture...correction, a picture of a breastfeeding mother and child met controversy today when TIME published a photo of a beautiful mother nursing her three year old child who was standing on a chair nursing. clearly a posed photo.
its been met with a LOT of comments and opinions, and i have done my best to not get wrapped up in the breastfeeding backlash that ensued.
the article is on attachment parenting: extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and babywearing.
all of these things fit into my life and i hardly find them "out of the norm".
the big debate is, for the most part, on the photo itself, and this spurred comments and controversy over breastfeeding older children. while some experts say that its recommended to breastfeed upwards of age 7, of course this is not the widely accepted age in western civilization.
in other countries, this may not even cause one to bat an eye, but here? well cows milk is the norm (regrettably) and breastfeeding is not treated as natural.
i wanted a place to put MY opinions. i dont want to scoff in someones face or point out ignorance and the uneducated. but truly, those people who are against breastfeeding: be it breastfeeding and older child or just breastfeeding in public...they only have one real argument; to them it is "gross".
so on this note, i must rant.
i believe that cows milk has its place in the lives of humans. it has become the norm, and certainly not even experts believe an adult should mow down on breastmilk. the benefits to children of breastmilk can not be denied, but adults have benefits from the milk meant for a baby cow. but our milk is here for a reason. our bodies create a substance intended for its offspring that is capable of being the SOLE source of nourishment for quite a large chunk of the first year, and still provide ever evolving nutrients to a child as it grows from newborn to infancy to toddlerdom. additionally, our bodies create this substance allowing it to nourish more than one child! its not a completely understood science, but the knowledge is there. what our bodies do, is not wrong.
it is also, NOT gross. it is not disgusting. it is not foul. and it should not be met with disdain or judgement.
as someone who does not have personal experience breastfeeding an older child, i do not want to comment on that as though i have experience, as i have seen so many ignorantly do. i will say what i know, that i have a toddler. a three year old, just as the photo. and i choose to give my son breastmilk that i have expressed. my choice does not make it the choice that EVERYONE should choose. though i do not nurse my son from my breast, im not saying it is how another mother should. as a mother who is met with breastfeeding challenges i have a mantra. a mantra that has helped me through months and months of struggles with my son and breastfeeding and now all of my young daughters 3 months of life.
it is the milk that matters, not the method.
a woman is choosing to give her child what her body has created. there are many arguments about continuing that relationship with an older child.
so many "self proclaimed experts"have stated " sure, its beneficial, but once they hit 1 why not just pump?"
lets be real. if youre pumping as often and as long as you nurse. you are pumping about 20 minutes average 6-12x a day depending on your childs eating habits. 240 minutes a day. not counting feeding the child the bottle you expressed. thats twice as long as just nursing. thats organizing your whole day around a pump. thats excusing yourself from company, from your kids, your husband. to pump. when you could nurse and be done with it.
women arent breastfeeding for personal pleasure. yes there is huge satisfaction in looking at your child and knowing your milk has completely satisfied your baby, and is the sole reason for its growth. its not selfish. if anything, it is selfless. and dont think for a moment that a woman who is nursing an older child hasnt weighed the pros and cons of nursing at that age. science has shown that babies, or children, wean when they are ready to wean. some wean at 24 months. some later. that decision, that experience is that of the mothers and childs.
on another note, a mother who's baby gets hungry in public, has no choice but to nurse. would it be fair for her to turn her child down and leave them hungry until they can be at home? a nursing mother nurses, knowing that she will be met with stares, or unwelcome comments from those who dont see the benefits and the importance of nursing.
ive always believed a baby has gotta eat, and the first choice should always be the most nutritious and safest method: a mothers milk. and science has shown that there are HUGE benefits to that coming straight from the tap. comfort nursing, body temp regulation, helping with overstimulation and sleepiness on top of the benefits of the milk itself.
i am very modest personally, and for me, i understand the need to feed your child while respecting men and women and children in your vicinity. i do not find a need for mothers to use covers (though i personally do for my own reasons), and i feel if any other alternatives to public nursing are available, such as a private comfortable nursing area, most mothers will choose it. a woman who is discreetly nursing their child with minimal skin exposed should not be met with grief. just because a person KNOWS what is happening when they glance over, doesnt make it dirty or disgusting.
a new friend of mine was recently asked to cover up as she discreetly nursed her child, under 2 mind you, not that it matters, inside of a museum of art. she was literally in the presence of nude sculptures and paintings, and was asked to cover. as she was not exposed, they could not have been asking her to cover her breast (again not that it matters) but instead she would be covering her child. the physical thought if the action of breastfeeding itself had offended someone.
this hurts me.
that someone feels they have a right to ask a woman to feel shame in breastfeeding because the thought of the action disgusts somebody.
the laws of the state protected her. it is legal to nurse your child anywhere in her state (and in most) without a cover. and she is exempt from indecent exposure laws. yet people still find this to be gross?
its just a shame to me. im ashamed of our society sometimes.
that baby wearing (which sounds hippier than it is) and co sleeping are "out of the norm"?
there are HUNDREDS of carriers on the market to carry your child while you walk around fairs and vacation...yet choosing to use something that is slightly snug-er is out of the norm? and weird? funny enough...watch a colicky child fall immediately to sleep in a moby and you WILL be a believer.
additionally, co sleeping? who here has ever had a child have a nightmare? and they let them in bed? or had a sick baby and slept sitting up in bed with them because you needed to keep them safe? its the same concept.
what i would like to accomplish is for people to realize its not a competition. its not up for debate. a person will raise their children the best ways they know how. the ONLY time a person should be given any grief over parenting is if they know a mother is intentionally making choices that arent the best for her child. dangerous choices. and when it comes down to it, those who wear their babies to soothe them, lay with them at night for however long, nurse them within reasonable ranges as per medical research shows benefits...why is this so out of the norm?
i just dont get it.
i hope as time goes on we can see the benefits.
i think the only way that will happen is if we stop putting people under fire. it gets so defensive!
EVERY decision you make as a parent has Pros and Cons.
and those pros and cons apply differently to certain people differently than others.
only by shutting up and learning will we gain understanding.
the kids are whats important.
truly.
Photo: OLJ Studio/
