Tongue Tie Diaries 02/24

THIS IS NOT GOING WELL.

by tuesday our plan was over. my nipples hurt SO bad and she wasnt latching or suckling right. i had to resort to the small syringe for EVERY feed since Tuesday.

so today we tried a nipple shield. (go figure when the LC did it it worked wonders. and every time after that i tried, it didnt work out so well.)

She latched well, but didnt suck well. in 20 minutes she took 26 ml, nearly a 3rd of what she did Monday.

its so frustrating.

thats an understatement.

im sitting there, looking at my sleepy daughter on my right breast, not getting enough as my left one leaks all over my shirt but is too blistered for latches.

the LC asks me about my emotional state.

i tell her flat out, im frustrated that i want to feed my baby of my breast and i cant.

she gets a larger syringe and a tube to use to finger feed.

the small tube runs along my finger and into her mouth (with the pad up against where the soft and hard palate meet). she shows me how by doing it first, and Little gets a good feeding in, then she has me try and little gets so frustrated she turns all red and cries all over.

LC gets out a special kind of bottle, thinking that might be the better option for exercising her tongue.

its a Medela SpecialNeeds Feeder, intended for babies with problems maintaining pace, suction or flow.

I can see her tongue curl around the nipple on the bottom, and i think i see her tongue move under her chin, but i see dimpling of her cheeks, and i worry she is mastering feeding with suction, and not working her tongue and thats the whole idea. if she doesnt work her tongue and figure it out and strengthen it....then im pumping for as long as the pump lets me. ive been let down with pumps before. and i only have this loaner until march second!

i wont lie. im just frustrated. so many women in the world dont have the same passion for breastfeeding, and that is their choice to make...but it frustrates me that those women are capable...and ive faced two babies with troubles, and i want it more than anything. :(

my mantra right now....She is getting my milk. She is getting my benefits. She is getting all the things that make me need to breastfeed.

i just hope theres still a chance.

more later.