No new is No news. Last LC appt (for now)

until i meet the new one that my baby girls insurance covers :) Im going to miss those ladies quite a bit. they are SO wonderful.

anyhow, my last appt with her was anticlimactic. i learned that M is 9#11oz (birthweight was 8#6oz, went down to 7#13 oz before discharge and so she has gained nearly 2 lbs in less than 28 days of life! excellent job M!

we discussed my recent issue with supply. might have downregulated a bit too much. ill be taking Blessed Thistle and Fenugreek if the supply doesnt straighten out. the dosage for fenugreek is typically 3 capsules 3x a day,

and BT is about 2-3 capsules 3x a day.

im going to hold of on the BT for now though because clearly my body is very sensitive to supply :)

i pumped at 230. got 3oz total.

at the appt my girl only took in .5 oz.

i got home around 630 and managed to pump a little shy of 5 ounces.

so in 4 hours i made 5 oz.

its odd to think that just last week i was pumping out 5 oz EACH BREAST in a 2 hour sitting! what a strange phenomenon the human body is! and how intense is it that it can change so much!?

im grateful though. i know things can change for the better or worse in a short period of time and so im not too worried.

LC was a little concerned that when i fed her with the bottle she began sucking instead of compressing, even though we're using a breastflow bottle (more on those in a later post).

we'll get the hang of it girl.

i know i get frustrated.

but even though it feels neverending and like ive been battling these issues forever, its only been a month.

we got this :)

Tongue Tie Diaries: More success amongst failures.

today M nursed almost exclusively for one feeding. what im pretty sure is an overactive or forceful letdown hindered a fully exclusive feeding.

im making about 6 ounces a sessiona nd she only eats about 2.5 so it comes out hard and fast and it was too much. she coughed, spit and sputtered and cried befre giving up. :( but she DID IT! now to fix the overactive boobies ive got. what a great complaint to have! its not her anymore its me. and im so able to fix me!

also...i finally ventured out of the house with my new Medela Pump in Style. first time being out for more than 3 hours and pumping elsewhere and i accidentaly left my supplies for the pump in a bag at my parents, 30 mins away. it was getting late so i figured id run to the store to get extra parts. i paid 25$ for a medela kit. come to find out the flanges were ONE SIZED and ONEPIECE so i couldnt use my own 30mm breastshields with the connectors :( i tried to use the stupid standard 24mm and my poor nips cried out. my hub had to go travel to the family house and bring back my supplies! good man!!

the medela has worked well to draw out more milk. im glad for it. i have to give back the other one soon and was worried about supply and such. now im left trying to figure out how to make less for the girl! ill be calling the LC FIRST thing on monday to get it figured out.

im SO thankful!

Tongue Tie Diaries: more success!

she ate from BOTH sides today!

not more than 1.5 oz id say. but she did it! it helps that my let down is a bit more forceful and like that of a bottle!

speaking of, i ordered 3 of the Breastflow bottles to try out...still waiting on them to be delivered.

we need something slower. M is clearing out a 2.5 oz bottle in the haberman in less than 10 minutes! shes gotten good at suck suck swallow breathe, but i want her to do it on the boobie!

its such a pain to pump.

on the other hand, ive got quite the supply now and have even reached out to an adoptive mom to donate some milk to her when her son comes home!

hoping for more success.

Positivity.

today im choosing to look at the positives.

yes im bummed things arent how i want them, and my baby isnt at my breast.

but im looking at the positives. positivity is huge, and i know positive thinking gets people places :)

today im feeling great because:

first of all, i have supply. this fact is not lost upon me, and i am very pleased to have milk that my daughter can drink. with my son, my supply ran low due to a couple of factors, and i know there are lots of women who have babies at the breast that want so much for supply...and i do not take that for granted.

i pump every 2 - 3 hours depending on day or night. - this guarantees me alone time to reflect, watch something on the laptop, blog, or do homework or research. guaranteed quiet time. how many moms get that?

i can hold my daughter any way i want during a feeding, and i can look into her eyes without craning my neck to see her :)

expressing breastmilk means that i can easily slip my son some breastmilk in his cup when im preparing baby girls bottle, and he gets some of the goods too without a problem!

if i were only feeding at breast, i might not have the overflowing "we need to get a deep freezer" supply in the freezer that i do have right now for a rainy day :)

i get to have frequent trips to the lactation consultant...seeing as how i want to be one...its nice to be immersed in the culture i want to work in.

Tongue ties are a pain, and having multiple babies with it is rough! but ill have experience with it to help other struggling mothers when my education is over and i am working in the field of breastfeeding.

i have really nice breasts right now :) and after a pumping i get to spend a few extra minutes letting them airdry with my cream and chillin topless.

skin to skin doesnt have ulterior motives. my baby is loving my skin time...not just searchin for a boob. :)

and im feeling great because even though it looks bleak right now...there is still hope. and as long as i do NOT give up...there will be hope.

and more than anything...im thankful she is HEALTHY and well. even if i had no breastmilk - that fact alone would get me through.

just my thoughts for the day.

Tongue Tie Diaries 02/24

THIS IS NOT GOING WELL.

by tuesday our plan was over. my nipples hurt SO bad and she wasnt latching or suckling right. i had to resort to the small syringe for EVERY feed since Tuesday.

so today we tried a nipple shield. (go figure when the LC did it it worked wonders. and every time after that i tried, it didnt work out so well.)

She latched well, but didnt suck well. in 20 minutes she took 26 ml, nearly a 3rd of what she did Monday.

its so frustrating.

thats an understatement.

im sitting there, looking at my sleepy daughter on my right breast, not getting enough as my left one leaks all over my shirt but is too blistered for latches.

the LC asks me about my emotional state.

i tell her flat out, im frustrated that i want to feed my baby of my breast and i cant.

she gets a larger syringe and a tube to use to finger feed.

the small tube runs along my finger and into her mouth (with the pad up against where the soft and hard palate meet). she shows me how by doing it first, and Little gets a good feeding in, then she has me try and little gets so frustrated she turns all red and cries all over.

LC gets out a special kind of bottle, thinking that might be the better option for exercising her tongue.

its a Medela SpecialNeeds Feeder, intended for babies with problems maintaining pace, suction or flow.

I can see her tongue curl around the nipple on the bottom, and i think i see her tongue move under her chin, but i see dimpling of her cheeks, and i worry she is mastering feeding with suction, and not working her tongue and thats the whole idea. if she doesnt work her tongue and figure it out and strengthen it....then im pumping for as long as the pump lets me. ive been let down with pumps before. and i only have this loaner until march second!

i wont lie. im just frustrated. so many women in the world dont have the same passion for breastfeeding, and that is their choice to make...but it frustrates me that those women are capable...and ive faced two babies with troubles, and i want it more than anything. :(

my mantra right now....She is getting my milk. She is getting my benefits. She is getting all the things that make me need to breastfeed.

i just hope theres still a chance.

more later.

Tongue Tie Diaries 2/20

went to see the LC today.

had very good luck with nursing for some reason.

maybe she is magic! (im excited to get to be magic too when im one :) )

baby girl got 70 ml! nearly 2.5 oz! in one sitting, that was perfect and right on track.

we discussed me coming back on friday. since i had little pain today we decided to forgo the tube finger feeding until friday at our next appt and alternate one pumping session with the small syringe feeding Little, and then one on the breast.

im hopeful! she seemed to be getting a little better at the latch.

i love seeing her little face close to me. i worried about not getting the bonding and security of mommy.

also we decided to try soothies yesterday because then i could see what she is doing with her tongue when she sucks. still not strong enough with her tongue and the thing falls out and she gets so frustrated! i feel horrible. she just wants to suckle for comfort and with the pain of her poor latch and tongue, i cant have her suckling at my breast like that for comfort! i just want to give her comfort! such a strange and scary place the world must be the first few weeks until she realizes its the new normal for her.

ill update how well our plan works out soon. :)